


Our Own World

by citrussunscreen



Series: DBSK: prompts on LJ [1]
Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-09-25
Updated: 2011-11-22
Packaged: 2018-08-12 23:26:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 17,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7953292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citrussunscreen/pseuds/citrussunscreen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>prompts from kpop_prompts at LJ.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Our Own World

**Title:** Our Own World  
**Type:** Oneshot  
**Characters:** Junsu  
**Pairing:** HoSu  
**Rating:** PG  
**Warning:** none  
**Length:** 469 **  
Prompt:** #001: Our Own World ****  
A/N: From kpop_prompts at LJ.

Everyone has their own world. A special realm where you can collect your thoughts and doze off. Junsu thinks, as he watches people he know stare blankly at something, at nothing, their eyes glimmering with life, he knows that they’re daydreaming, that they’re off in their own world.

There is a little guilt, Junsu believes, when he calls out the daydreamer from their own world, vivaciously bringing them back into reality. Into this world in which everyone shares under the same sky.

Junsu remembers asking Yunho what he thinks about when he’s daydreaming. But he can’t remember the answer Yunho gave. He remembers Yunho asking him the same question. Junsu doesn’t need to think hard over the answer he gave. The answer hasn’t changed. He’s always been thinking of Yunho.

Staring into his now chocolate brown hair, Junsu smiles sheepishly. His fingers pick at the end of his hair. He understands that his frequently changing hair is representing his frequently changing heart. He wonders when it’ll stop changing. Junsu scolds himself for even asking himself that, the answer is simple. His heart will stop changing when he’s dead.

Junsu touches the mirror lightly, over the reflected spot of where his heart resided.

He use to think that all those fond memories spent with Yunho was their own world. Thinking that they were both in a unique world together when they were side by side. Those late night cuddles in front of a muted TV. Those early mornings where they hone into the small details of their dance steps. Those late afternoons where they sit in a bath together and talk of random stories.

Junsu closes his eyes as he reminisces.

However, now, Junsu thinks, it’s different. It’s the thought that counts. It’s the thought of the other which shapes their world, their own world. It’s when he thinks about Yunho on sleepless nights, tossing and turning, it’s when he thinks about Yunho early in the morning as the sun slowly rises, it’s when he thinks about Yunho when he’s eating lunch, wondering if the other was eating as well. It’s those times that carves their world together.

Junsu opens his eyes, half expecting to see Yunho’s perfect smile in the mirror. He’s only slightly disappointed when he doesn’t.

Pondering, Junsu thinks that perhaps, they don’t have their own world together, a world with just the two of them, alone and together. It was possible that such a world never even existed. To even define a world of their own was difficult, to share a special world with a special someone must be even closer to impossible. Shrugging, Junsu picks up his toothbrush and squeezes a decent amount of toothpaste on the bristles. Perhaps he’ll be able to find a world where there’s only Yunho and Junsu when he dies.


	2. Eleventh Hour

**Title:** Eleventh Hour  
**Type:** Oneshot  
**Characters:** Yunho, Junsu  
**Pairing:** HoSu  
**Rating:** PG  
**Warning:** AU, cross-dressing  
**Length:** ~720  
**Prompt:** kpop_prompts on LJ: opt#4 - #002: Road Home  
**A/N:** Has a little Cinderella in it.   


_We are each other’s concave dome,_

_The eternal warmth in an awaiting home._  
  
We are two halves of the same soul,

_Forever suspended together as one whole..._

_Junsu and I._

_The hands on the clock strikes Twelve_

She gasps as the sound of the clock striking twelve resounds in the hall. Her hands drop and she bows, apologising before she runs, her dress flowing delicately around her.

“But...I don’t even know your name...”

The moment seemed like forever passing by.

_The hands on the clock strikes One_

There is a glass slipper left behind. It’s smooth but cold. And even though I clutch onto it so tightly, I know that you won’t magically appear before me, but one can always hope for the day to be blessed with your presence again.

The clock won’t strike thirteen.

_The hands on the clock strikes Two_

It’s the smile that lingers the most in my memories. So painfully sweet. An angel sent to fulfil dreams, to turn them into reality.

Skin that was softer than snow. The touch remains, burning on my skin.

_The hands on the clock strikes Three_

The sturdy glass slipper sits on my palm perfectly. I wonder if it’s fate that brought us together and then tore us apart. So cruel. And there’s nothing more painful than waiting for something you’re not even quite sure of.

_The hands on the clock strikes Four_

There’s a longing so great that deciding to leave home to find the owner of the glass slipper was a simple decision.

It didn’t matter how long or short the road was going to be, so long as in the end, the glass slipper went back to the rightful owner. There’s a desire to move forward with the person of your dreams.

_The hands on the clock strikes Five_

There’s a voice lingering in the breeze. A stunning song. Mesmerising. Captivated, I follow the voice.

There was something familiar about the voice. Something special.

Popping my head over the fence I locate the owner of the beautiful voice.

_The hands on the clock strikes Six_

It’s a man. His voice so desperate and delicate yet so passionate and strong.

His voice reaches my ears, it stays and embeds into my memory.

Something clicks and I know he’s the one. I clutch the glass slipper tighter. He’s the Cinderella.

_The hands on the clock strikes Seven_

I walk up to him, a smile on my face and grab his hand.

“You’re the one. My name is Yunho” I declare before asking, “what’s your name?”

He gives a puzzled look before answering “Junsu”

I tell him I love his voice.

_The hands on the clock strikes Eight_

“Can you do me a favour and try on this slipper?” I ask and show him the single glass slipper I could not let go of.

Junsu blinks, stunned and looks back and forth from you and the slipper.

I smile and think about how adorable his expressions are. Expressions I wouldn’t mind looking at for the rest of my life.

_The hands on the clock strikes Nine_

“I’m a man”, Junsu finally states, trying to refuse.

Shrugging, I merely smile reassuringly at him and help him slip the glass slipper on, it fit perfectly.

“I knew you were the one”

It didn’t matter if he were not wearing a frilly free flowing dress. So long as it was that voice, those eyes, that smile.

_The hands on the clock strikes Ten_

Junsu blinks innocently and confesses, “I never thought you’d actually come find me”

There’s something about his voice you couldn’t really pick up before. It’s the tone, I realised it then as he chuckled softly, his tone of voice is laced with optimism. It’s heaven.

His lips are soft and surprised as I press my own against it.

_The hands on the clock strikes Eleven_

It’s the Eleventh Hour. The last possible chance to do something, anything. My last chance. I grab Junsu’s hand and pull him close.

“Yunho?” he asks in a quiet voice. I hold him tighter.

“Junsu, let’s go home together” I tell him. _Before we no longer are able to go home together._

And we don’t even need to wonder where home is, because home is where we are.

_It’s the road home on our Eleventh Hour._


	3. Five

**Title:** Five  
**Type:** Oneshot  
**Characters:** Yunho, Junsu  
**Pairing:** HoSu  
**Rating:** PG  
**Warning:** none  
**Length:** ~600  
**Prompt:** kpop_prompts on LJ: opt#4 - #003: Distance Among Us  
**A/N:** The prompt by itself says a lot for just DBSK.

There was distance. It was strange. Even though Jaejoong and Yoochun are there, beside him, in such close proximity, there was a barrier, a distance, stronger than before, much further than before. There must be something that’s causing the distance. Junsu racks his head and thinks. It’s painful but he keeps trying to come up with a reason.

Misunderstanding.

Junsu stands and walks away. The distance increases as Jaejoong and Yoochun look up with confused faces. The red-brown haired boy sits in front of a window and stares at his mobile before pocketing it back. He trusts them, Jaejoong, Yoochun, Changmin and Yunho, he trusts them all, yet the distance between them all now is suffocating him.

This wasn’t the DBSK he was working sweat and tears for.

Looking up into the night sky, quietly, Junsu traces the ‘W’ that makes up the Cassiopeia constellation. He pauses at each of the five stars and stares for a while. Junsu wonders whether the distance between the five of them are even further than the distance between each star.

Junsu ponders over whether he should clear up the misunderstandings, hoping that the distance between them all will shrink and shrink and shrink until there is no distance left.

The young man laughs at himself at that thought. There was always the possibility that clearing up the misunderstanding could increase the distance.

Taking his phone out, Junsu checks the time. Yunho shouldn’t be busy. He sighs and thinks about whether he should wait for Yunho to call him or if he should take on the initiative to call the older man.

Junsu knows he’s being selfish. Shaking his head, Junsu takes a deep breath before he calls Yunho.

“Hello, Junsu?” Yunho’s voice is sweet and tender.

“Hyung. Have you eaten dinner?” Junsu asks, tiredly even though he’s smiling at the other’s voice. He can imagine the older man smiling whimsically, a goofy grin on the other’s face.

“I have, have you?” Yunho asks politely.

Junsu nods, “I have”. He plays with the hem of his shirt before speaking again, “I miss you a lot.”

“I miss you too”, Yunho replies.

“Really?” Junsu asks, a little surprised, “I’d have thought you wouldn’t have the time to miss me.”

“Mm”, Yunho agrees “but you’re different, you’re special, I think about you a lot even though I don’t have the time.”

“Sure”, Junsu states, not believing, but his expression brightens when he hears Yunho’s soft chuckle. His heart wrenches.

“This distance between us...”, Junsu mumbles, his fingers now tapping his chin as his melancholy eyes look out into the night sky, “is so great”.

“But it can be bridged”, Yunho answers, “with our memories as foundation, and the never-changing feelings in our hearts as the actual bridge, right?”

“You’re so sappy”, Junsu grins.

“I love you too” Yunho replies sincerely.

“I should harass you with more phone calls”, Junsu decides, “when I can find the time.”

Yunho laughs, “you go do that, I’ll feel nostalgic and lonely with you.”

Junsu wonders exactly when it was Yunho had him all figured out, “I really do miss you”, Junsu tells Yunho honestly “and even more so when I realised that we really are far, far away from each other.”

They both apologise softly to each other.

Junsu takes one last look at the bright ‘W’ in the sky. He knows that even when he stops shining, when a couple of centuries will have passed, the ‘W’ in the sky, the five stars, Cassiopeia will still be just as bright. And it’s this thought that paints the sad smile on Junsu’s face as he bids Yunho a ‘good night’ before hanging up.


	4. Song For You

**Title:** Song for You

 **Type:** Oneshot

 **Characters:** Yunho, Junsu

 **Pairing:** HoSu

 **Rating:** PG

 **Warning:** AU

 **Length:** ~1,240

 **Prompt:** kpop_prompts on LJ: opt#4 - #004: Endless Symphony

 **A/N:** Piano is beautiful.

 

“So you’ll like to purchase this house?” the realtor asks his client.

Yunho nods confidently, “yes, I’d love to”. He takes another look around the small living room, his fingers lightly grazing over the dusty piano.

“The family is also selling that piano, if you’re interested” the realtor tells Yunho, a big smile on his face.

Yunho’s expressions light up considerably when he hears so, “that would be fantastic, I’m really drawn to this piano.”

He doesn’t even wonder why he bought a piano when he couldn’t play it in the first place.

.

.

.

It’s a small and dusty house. But Yunho diligently cleans the house, it was small but comfortable. And he was ecstatic when he got it for such a low price. He had heard that the previous owner had passed away a while ago, leaving his house to his family. Walking up to the piano, Yunho gently wiped the dust off with a damp cloth. He wondered what kind of music the previous owner played on the piano. It was an old piano, wooden but still majestic looking. The ivory keys were kept in a beautiful condition, neither chipped or turning yellow.

He presses a key and a soft sound vibrates in his ear. It was gentle, like the touch of cotton. Yunho smiled to himself. Even though he knew nothing about music, he knew the piano needed tuning. But to him, the sound of the keys were beautiful enough to not be tuned. And it wasn’t like he was going to play, after all he didn’t know how to.

It was late at night when Yunho was lying on his bed, staring at his ceiling, hoping he will become tired and sleep. It wasn’t long after he had closed his eyes a soft melody reaches his ears. Immediately, Yunho opens his eyes. And the melody stops. Closing his eyes again, the melody starts again. Yunho’s lips form into a small smile when he recognises the piece as Mozart’s Sonata in C minor, K457. And before he knew it, Yunho was already drifting back to sleep.

A similar pattern happened the next night as well, when Yunho closed his eyes and was softly lulled to sleep, he would hear the melody of distinct piano keys. Chopin’s Nocturne OP. 55, No. 1, it had been a while since he last heard it. However this time, when Yunho opened his eyes, the song did not stop, it kept playing, and he could hear it clearer. Sitting up in his bed, Yunho smiled sweetly at the song. He could feel it run through all his veins and touch his soul.

Putting on a night gown, Yunho quietly left his bedroom, instinctively walking over to where the music was coming from. He found himself standing by the door to where the old piano he had been entranced was. And there, there was a man with pale skin, probably in his early twenties, curled fingers dancing across the piano keys, eyes closed, without a care to the world.

As soon as the Chopin’s Nocturne OP. 55 finished, Yunho found himself bringing his hands together to applaud the pianist.

Immediately, the pianist opened his eyes and stared straight at Yunho with shock. As quick as the wind, the pianist disappeared right in front of Yunho’s eyes. A little startled, Yunho blinked a couple of times looked around to see where the mysterious pianist had disappeared to. When he found no one but himself and the old piano in his dimly lit living room, Yunho rubbed his eyes before proceeding to climb back into his bed, passing off his strange encounter as a trick on his eyes.

The night after, Yunho found himself doing the same thing, closing his eyes, ready for sleep, only to be blessed with the melody of a beautiful song that rekindled childhood memories of Christmas, Schubert’s March Militaire. Once again, Yunho puts on his dressing gown and heads towards his living room, mesmerised by the succinct song.

This time, Yunho walks up to the piano instead of just standing by the doorway. He watches closely as the man plays, he looks at the soft smile, long eyelashes and neat hair. He admires the round fingers on the piano keys, the creativity and concentration the man possesses. And when the song finishes, Yunho does not applaud, he merely stares at the other, waiting for the other man to open his eyes.

He didn’t need to wait long. He is met with the same surprised expression from the other night.

Yunho quickly raises his hands and whispers, “please, don’t go. I just want to hear your piano.”

The other man’s expressions soften and takes a good look at Yunho before looking back at the piano, his graceful fingers running over the piano keys.

“What’s your name?” Yunho asks, albeit hesitantly but otherwise confident and full of excitement, “I’m Yunho.”

The man looks back at Yunho and speaks quietly, “Junsu.”

Nodding, Yunho gives Junsu a bright smile, which was after a bit of staring, was returned. Hastily, Yunho pulls up another chair to the piano and sits, his eyes staring at Junsu. “Do continue, I don’t wish to disturb, I just want to listen and appreciate.”

Junsu looks back at the piano, his fingers already in position for the next song, “Debussy. Golliwog’s Cake-walk.”

As the nights slowly crawled by, Yunho found himself spending each night by his piano, listening to a man called Junsu play, he listened to a variety of composers thereafter, Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, Liszt, Handel, Schumann, Scarlatti, Bach, Brahms and so many other songs. Yunho found that as the nights passed by, Junsu would smile a little more, talk to him a little more, and before Yunho knew it, he was anticipating the next time Junsu would smile at him, laugh at his corny jokes.

“Do you think you can teach me piano?” Yunho asks Junsu one night.

Junsu looks queerly at Yunho, “why? All of a sudden...”

“There are pieces with four hands right? I was thinking, I’d like to play with you, one day”, Yunho explains, bubbly.

Junsu looks at his own hands and then at Yunho’s hands, “it’s better if we have two pianos for four hands.”

“Oh?” Yunho ponders, wondering when he should order another piano.

“You can get another piano when you’re good enough” Junsu answers Yunho’s silent question.

Yunho nods and looks determinedly at Junsu.

With a melancholy look in his eyes, Junsu places a weightless hand on Yunho’s shoulder, “I’ll be here so long as the piano is here, so don’t worry.”

Closing his eyes, Yunho wants to feel Junsu’s hand, but he knows he can’t. He wants to feel Junsu’s warm skin, but he knows it’s not possible. All that was reaching him was a sweet voice and the piano.

“And when I die”, Yunho speaks, opening his eyes to look at Junsu, “I’ll be right here with you and the piano.”

Junsu laughs quietly, “keep tempting me, and I’ll be the one to kill you.”

Yunho smiles at Junsu. He tries to hold the other’s hand but he knows he’s just grasping air and answers with coolness, “I don’t mind, I don’t mind at all.”

Taking his hand back, Junsu smiles wryly, “I don’t mind at either, if it’s you who will endlessly join me and my symphony of songs.”

And Yunho wonders if now is the right time to join death.

 


	5. Salvation

**Title:** Salvation  
**Type:** Oneshot  
**Characters:** Yunho, Junsu  
**Pairing:** HoSu  
**Rating:** NC-17  
**Warning:** AU, character death  
**Length:**  
**Prompt:** kpop_prompts on LJ: opt#4 - #005: This Ugly Redemption  
**A/N:** Writing this reminds me of all those old movies we watched in English class. Kinda, this piece is ironic to me. Oh, I’m religious myself and have absolutely nothing against God, the church or homosexuals.

“Father, I am sorry for I have sinned. Forgive me.” A teenage boy wallows, kneeling in the confession room of an old, wooden church.

The priest looks up at the youth with round eyes of astonishment, “my, my, what is wrong my dear boy?”

“Father, I have sinned, what can I do to redeem myself?”

“Dear Junsu, so long as you have faith in God, there will be a chance for redemption”, the Priest looks worriedly at the young teenager, “there is no need to be frantic.”

“I have...”, Junsu looks up with scared eyes, “I have fallen in love...”

The Priest blinks once, blinks twice before smiling sincerely, “my boy, there is nothing wrong if you fall in love.”

Junsu gives the priest a small smile, “how could I fall in love if I want to devote myself to God?”

There was nothing the Priest could easily say to such a statement, “my dear boy, God values his own children,” the priest gently takes off his rosary and loops it around Junsu’s neck.

“Even if the person I have fallen in love with is a man?” Junsu asks innocently, looking up at the Priest for an honest answer.

.

.

.

_Junsu does not understand why Yunho won’t confess to the priest. He doesn’t understand why Yunho didn’t like the idea of redemption.  There was no way the God he has so much faith in won’t forgive him and Yunho._

_Softly he brushes over Yunho’s lips with his fingers, watching the other sleep before he bends over so that their lips could lightly touch. Love is beautiful. He knew it, he could feel it. God would understand, right?_

.

.

.

 “I’m sorry, but even God cannot forgive you for your sin.”

The Priest lifts the only candle in the room to his lips and blows it out.

.

.

.

Junsu feels his heart clench in pain, but not fear as he listens to the church’s verdict. The words of authority even the King cannot have the power to change. The words of God. He can already see the scaffold, the noose and the trapdoor. It’s something he won’t cry over.

If they can’t be together in this life, Junsu knows that they’ll be able to be together in their next life.

He walks out and sees a sea of people. Junsu forgets what it feels like to know that the destination you’re headed to is not a scaffold. He cringes as he stands on the platform. His eyes automatically closing in apology when he caught sight of Yunho’s pained expression.

There was no need to say anything, or cry when he feels the tighten around his features. He could only pray that Hell would be hopefully tolerable.

The lever is pulled and the trapdoor is open. There is a second of silence before the world goes on as though nothing was wrong.

Yunho finds that he cannot close his eyes as he watches the ugly scene before him, his arms fall limp on his sides, “there is no salvation”, he mutters to himself, he clenches onto a single coin and flips it with the flick of his thumb, “if it’s Heads, I shall join you in death, if it’s Tails, I shall pray to God for me to be sent to Hell.”


	6. Debuting

**Title:** Debuting  
**Type:** Oneshot  
**Characters:** Yunho, Junsu  
**Pairing:** HoSu  
**Rating:** PG  
**Warning:** none  
**Length:** ~720  
**Prompt:** kpop_prompts on LJ: opt#4 - #006: Mirror of Hate  
**A/N:** lalala~ This prompt was mean.

_No matter how long you look into a mirror, the image does not change. Reality is the same, reality will always be reality._

Yunho doesn’t know what to say when he watches Junsu lock himself up in his room, crying tears of sorrow.

He had always imagined debuting as a happy and memorable time of life.

Carefully, Yunho opens the door to Junsu’s rooms after he gives a weak smile to the worried looks on Junsu’s family members.

“Junsu?” Yunho asks softly, blinking into the nearly lifeless room if not for Junsu’s sobs.

Closing the door behind him, Yunho slowly walks up to a huddled Junsu, delicately making his way around the lightless room. The older boy sits next to the younger, a hand instinctively reaches to rub circles on the hunched back, occasionally moving up to stroke soft hair.

The two sit there for a while, until Junsu had no more tears to spill.

Yunho doesn’t understand why Junsu was crying, but he was willing to wrap his arms around the other, to comfort and to sit through the pain.

Shaking his head, Junsu pushes Yunho’s comforting hands away, his voice shaky, “hyung, I can’t do this.”

Yunho does not know what to do, but his arms automatically swivel back to wrap themselves around Junsu, this time, tighter.

“Why is it not Hyukjae I’m debuting with?” Junsu asks as he struggles to get away from Yunho’s arms.

It’s a conversation they’ve been through before, Yunho realises as he presses Junsu towards his chest, his fingers not letting go of the younger boy. It felt safer that way.

“I’m sorry”, Yunho whispers.

“I hate this”, Junsu confesses, “Hyukjae is all I need. Why isn’t here going to be there?”

Yunho nods, understanding, “You can always depend on me”

Junsu closes his eyes tightly, his hands balling into tight fists as he grasps onto Yunho’s shirt “I don’t want to debut with anyone else”, he knows he’s being immature, but it’s what he’s really thinking.

“What about me?” Yunho asks teasingly, ruffling Junsu’s hair a little before his smile dropped a little, “this, this is the only thing in life you cannot sacrifice, Su. This chance to debut. You’ve worked so hard for it. Hyukjae understands, so I know you must understand too.” And Yunho knows that there is no one who can empathise and comprehend the pain of trying to debut more than Junsu himself.

Junsu shakes his head. He doesn’t want to understand Yunho’s words. It was painful. It was something he was unfamiliar with. Too alien for his liking.

“And even though Hyukjae won’t be debuting with us, he will still be there for you. He’s your best friend, remember?” Yunho sighs and his hold on Junsu loosens as Junsu stops trying to run from his grasp.

Sniffling, Junsu can feel his tears flowing again, and he had thought he had no more to cry.

“Our emotions are like a mirror. They reflect onto people close to us. You don’t want your hatred to be mirrored onto me right?” Yunho muses, “I might just end up hating to have to debut with you if you keep going like this”, he can feel Junsu tense, and the older boy wonders if he’s said too much.

“I don’t want that”, Junsu murmurs quietly, afraid that what Yunho was saying might just come true, the fact that if he kept on hating having to debut without Hyukjae, that the people he was going to debut with will come back to hate having to debut with him.

The world just wasn’t supposed to work like that.

“Pull yourself together”, Yunho tells Junsu as he unwraps his hands from Junsu to cup his face. Junsu’s eyes flutter open. “Even though it won’t be with us, Hyukjae will be debuting too. Keep your faith and walk forward with your head held high.”

Junsu blinks as Yunho softly wipes his tears away.

“Lean on me, I’ll lead you, we’ll work hard so that we can enjoy debuting together.” Yunho tells Junsu seriously before he pulls Junsu close, his lips ghosting over Junsu’s lips.

And Junsu does not know what to think as he drowns himself in Yunho’s trusting and rational words. All he knows is that Yunho never fails to pull him in like a black hole.


	7. Nameless

**Title:** Nameless  
**Type:** Oneshot  
**Characters:** Yunho, Junsu  
**Pairing:** HoSu  
**Rating:** PG  
**Warning:** AU, character death  
**Length:** ~1900 incl.Extra  
**Prompt:** kpop_prompts on LJ: opt#4 - #007: Uncommitted Soother  
**A/N:** I read “soother” and I think of “Pacifier” and “Dummy” that kinda thing. (and because I need to kill Yunho since I’ve been killing Junsu too much recently)

He wasn’t family or his neighbour. Not a friend’s friend or a friend’s sibling. He was most definitely not a friend either. Just a stranger he had met on the same train he took every night.

“Here”, Yunho hands a giant teddy bear to the person before him, “it’s for you.”

Junsu looks intently at the teddy bear before he tilts his head up to take a better look at the stranger before him, “me?”

Smiling hesitantly, Yunho nodded. His smile brightened when the other man took the teddy bear with a small bewildered ‘thanks’. Junsu places the bear in the seat next to him. The train ride home is silent. Yunho throws one last smile towards Junsu before he gets off at his platform.

The giant teddy bear is a fluffy white. Its fur soft and cuddly. Junsu’s fingers instinctively run through the white fur, taking pleasure in how smooth it leaves his fingers feeling. He places the bear on his desk and gives it an apologetic look.

It was the next night on the same train when they met again.

This time it was Junsu who spoke first to the familiar face, “do, do I know you from somewhere?”

Yunho quirked an eyebrow, “yesterday with the bear was the first time I spoke to you, I do take this train every night at this time, maybe you just see me a lot?”

A small smile graces Junsu’s features, “the bear…why?”

“No real reason”, Yunho shrugs, a sloppy smile on his face.

Junsu nods, simply accepting with a eased smile and thanks the other man again.

That night, Junsu gives the giant teddy bear a soft smile and a pat on the head before he crawled into bed and dozed off to sleep.

The two met again a week after. The small wave of a hand and a polite “Hello” and “Good Evening” were exchanged.

“How’ve you been?” Yunho asks.

Junsu looks up at the other man, albeit surprised, but calm, “good”, he replies with the generic answer, “what about you?”

“Not bad,” Yunho taps his fingers lightly on his forearm, “work has been a little hectic and I haven’t been getting much sleep.”

Nodding, Junsu takes a glance at the bags under Yunho’s eyes, “try putting tea bags underneath them”, he places his fingers under his eyes, “and sleep more.”

Yunho laughs and ends up sleeping on the train, trusting for the person sitting beside him to wake him up when he reaches his platform. He was not disappointed.

That night, Junsu took the teddy bear he was given into a tight hug before placing it on his desk and going to bed.

The next morning, Junsu smiled giddily and greeted the white bear with a cheerful “Good Morning” before he skipped his way to the kitchen for breakfast.

He didn’t see that man that night on the train, but it wasn’t like he was expecting to. He was merely just hoping to.

It was a couple of nights later when the two bumped into each other again.

“Your bags are a little smaller, not as obvious”, Junsu noted, smiling at the taller man

Yunho nodded, “I tried the tea bags, they work”, he stretched his arms lazily, “I was surprised when they actually worked.”

“Work is tiring?” Junsu asks, not wanting to prod too much, but curious anyway.

The taller gives the shorter man a helpless expression, “and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Junsu pretends to understand.

That night, Junsu looks over at the bear with a sad smile and whispers, “good night”, though the reasoning for his less than cheerful smile, he didn’t even know himself. And when the teddy bear does not respond, Junsu’s smile lightens up, again, for a reason he couldn’t define.

The two familiar strangers meet again the next night, this time on the platform before they boarded the train. A pair of wide eyes met another pair of wide eyes.

“You take this platform too?” Junsu asks, a smile already creeping on his face at the other’s also surprised expression.

“I didn’t know you did either”, Yunho states obviously, laughing.

Chuckling, Junsu gives a smile to fate.

That night, Junsu gently runs his hands over the teddy bear’s soft fur, giggling softly.

They meet again the next night at the same platform.

“Good evening”, Yunho greets, waving, smiling warmly when the shorter man waves back at him.

“Your bags are disappearing”, Junsu speculates, examining the taller man from different angles.

Lifting a hand, Yunho touches under his eyes carefully and nods, “I feel healthier with the bags gone.”

“Of course you would”, Junsu states, “you’ll feel better once you’ve gotten enough sleep too.”

“Mm~” Yunho looks over at the small cup of something the other was holding, “what are you drinking?” he inquires.

“Me?” Junsu looks at the cup he’s holding before offering it to the taller man, “it’s hot chocolate, do you want some?”

Yunho gingerly takes the cup into his hands. He notes that it’s warm, it was refreshing to hold something so warm. He takes a sip and smiles at the sweetness that caresses his tongue before he hands the cup of hot chocolate back to its owner.

When the train came, the cup of hot chocolate was left forgotten at the platform.

As soon as Junsu got home that night, he enveloped the teddy bear and snuggled deeply into the soft toy. He breathed deeply and sighed.

The two met again and again, night after night at the same platform at the same time for the next couple of months. And each time they saw each other, a hint of surprise would linger in their expression. Small talk was invoked.

“I’m going to a place far, far away soon” Yunho tells the shorter man.

Junsu cannot decipher why the other is wearing such a uncertain expression.

“What kind of place?” Junsu asks for the sake of it. He could hear his own voice waver a little.

Yunho does not answer and merely gives the other a small and secretive smile.

Raising his eyebrows, Junsu looks at the other sceptically, “I kind of want to go too, even though I don’t quite know where you’re going, for all I know, it might just be some boring suburb.”

Yunho chuckles deeply, “you can’t go. You’re staying here”

Junsu pouts, and does not question Yunho’s rather authoritative tone.

He taller man laughs harder at the shorter man’s expression, “okay, okay”, Yunho smiles and pokes the other’s cheeks, “I’ll take you too.”

Cheering, Junsu was just about to ask again where Yunho was heading when the train comes to a halt at Yunho’s platform.

That night, Junsu pinches the white teddy bear’s cheeks before placing a quick peck on the bear’s nose. He wakes up late the next morning, and as Junsu desperately chases after time, he doesn’t forget to bid his soft toy a good morning, though this time, in the process, he accidentally knocked the bear to its side. Apologising quickly, Junsu fixes the bear before rushing out to catch his train to work.

He reaches his platform just in time to see his train go by. Junsu reaches work late and ends up finishing late.

It was surprising to see the stranger he had conversed with for the past months at the platform.

“Oh! Good evening!” Yunho looks just as surprised

“Did you finish work late as well?” Junsu asks, finding it funny how they both ended up meeting each other.

Yunho nods before he opens his bag and pulls out two slips of paper, “this is for you.”

Junsu takes a slip of paper, “this is?”

“If you still want to go”, Yunho explains, “otherwise I can just return the ticket”

“To a different country…forever?” Junsu gasps, a million thoughts racing through his head.

“That’s right!” Yunho exclaims and twirls around just a little too quickly, just a little too crazily, just a little too unsteady as he loses his footing and slips off the platform and onto the train rails.

“Oh my God!” Junsu cries out, instinctively plunging forward to try prevent the taller man from falling but falling onto the rail tracks himself.

There’s a rush of blinding light and the sound of the train coming fills his ears, blocking out the screams of the other commuters standing on the platform, watching in horror. His eyes lock tightly onto Yunho’s own eyes, and they find themselves unable to move.

Junsu’s body freezes as pain courses through his body as the train rushes at too close of a proximity pass him. His eyes widen when blood flies and lands all over him. And tears leak out when the taller man’s face disappears from his field of view.

Shaking, Junsu ignores everyone’s cries as he climbs out of the rail tracks and sprints home, all the while thinking about how ironic the whole situation was. That that man that just died was now most definitely in a place far, far away.

That night, Junsu pulled the teddy bear he had received so many months ago into bed with him. He lays on his bed, worn out from the commotion, tired from the shock. There was something about having the white fluffy bear next to him. It relieved him a little as he held it tight. And it was then when he realised something important.

He didn’t even know the name of the man that had died before his eyes. They had had small conversations together for several months. He had received such a big gift the first time they had spoken to each other, yet he didn’t know the other’s name. Junsu understood that there was no commitment to their conversations, that the relationship between them wasn’t really an easily defined relationship. They weren’t family, friends, and no longer strangers. Their relationship was nameless. As his head pondered over such topics, Junsu squeezed the teddy bear closer to himself, it was his own therapy to soothe himself as he cried

**Extra**

A sharp knock resounded through his apartment.

Junsu got up, eyes puffy red. He bypassed the white teddy bear without a single glance. But he paused and retraced his steps back so that he could grab the soft toy and hold it in his arms.

Opening his door, Junsu just knew that it was going to be the police to question what he was doing on the rail tracks last night.

To his surprise, the familiar stranger was standing outside his door.

“Wh-what!?” Junsu stammered, stepping back, mind boggled with the person standing before him. He blinked his eyes a couple of time and even pinched himself to see if he were dreaming.

“How!? How!?” Junsu asked, this time stepping forward and grabbing the other man’s shoulder, dropping the soft white teddy bear in the process.

Yunho gives the shorter man an apologetic smile, he calmly places a hand on top of Junsu’s desperate hands.

“I’m sorry”, Yunho apologises, “welcome to the afterlife.”

Junsu gives the other a even more puzzled look.

“The one that died last night was not me”, Yunho stares straight into Junsu’s eyes. He bends down and picks up the white teddy bear and hands it back to the shorter man, “it was you.”

Junsu shakes his head, he didn’t understand. How could the person before him stand before him? How could he even be alive? “But I saw you die.” Junsu whispers, still staring up at the taller man.

Biting his lips, Yunho apologises again, “I’m sorry, but I died five years ago.”

The white teddy bear slips once more from Junsu’s hands and lands with a quiet thump on the wooden floor.


	8. Nutcracker, Nutcracker, Nutcracker Crack

**Title:** Nutcracker, Nutcracker, Nutcracker Crack  
**Type:** Oneshot  
**Characters:** Yunho, Junsu  
**Pairing:** Yunho/Junsu   
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Warnings:** Character death   
**Length:** ~679  
**Prompt:** kpop_prompts on LJ: opt#4 - #009: Forbidden Dance  
**Inspiration:** DBSK - Bolero  
**A/N:** Haven’t written in a while…so this is probably really terrible. Mm, and I decided to use ballerino instead of danseur.

When he had first noticed the ballet dancer, he couldn’t even remember when it was, the only thing that lingered were his thoughts, his feelings, the surprise.

He was a beautiful ballerino.

A beautiful ballerino with a distinct jaw line and a smile that pierced his heart. Yunho couldn’t take his eyes off the ballerino before him, even when he closed his eyes and slept, he dreamt of that single ballerino dancing, dancing whilst watching him and only him. He could see the petite ballerino soar through the air smoothly and softly.

Watching the ballerino fly through the air with pointed toes made Yunho feel as though he were flying too.

There’s a sad smile on Yunho’s face as he stares gently at the ballerino. The other was so beautiful, so beautiful. And Yunho? Yunho is old and dirty, so many wounds have deeply sliced into his heart from the aftermaths of the war, there was nothing left but wrinkled eyebrows and crooked teeth.

“Would, would you like to dance with me?” The ballerino came up to Yunho and asked in a hoarse and quiet voice.

Yunho looked at the ballerino without blinking, “my name is Yunho”

“I’m Junsu”, the ballerino answered with a small smile, holding out a hand, inviting Yunho to dance with him.

Junsu’s smile illuminated Yunho’s heart, it opened the window to Yunho’s heart. He felt as though he were alive again, as though he had never been to war, as though he were back to the days before the war had terrorised his heart and his memories.

Hesitating a little, Yunho takes Junsu’s hand and holds tightly. Junsu gives the other a reassuring smile.

“I’m sorry but I can’t”, Yunho tells the other as he  respectfully lifts Junsu’s hand up towards his lips, placing and kisses before lets go of Junsu’s hand.

Surprised, Junsu does not know what to do, so he asks, “why?” His confusion deepens when there’s an awkward silence between them, Junsu wonders if he had been mistaken, “I thought you wanted to dance, since, well, you kept looking…” the ballerino himself felt embarrassed and shy as he spoke.

“I…” Yunho frowns and then smiles awkwardly, he looks down and with his hands, he gently places them on his thigh.

Junsu looks down to where Yunho’s hands are. And then he loses his smile, “your…your leg…”

Yunho nods before looking at Junsu’s expression, “I lost one, in the war.”

“I’m sorry”, Junsu states, suddenly feeling gloomy.

Shaking his head, Yunho apologises to Junsu as well, “so I won’t be able to dance with you.”

Fiddling with his hands, Junsu nods, understanding.

“Would you just let me watch you dance?” Yunho asks the ballerino, hope lacing his tone.

Complying, Junsu bows before starting to play out a melody with his pointed toes. Yunho watches carefully, admiring the passion, the passion that is tinted with a little sadness.

.

.

.

Yunho watched as the ballerino, Junsu disappeared almost immediately as the dancing flames engulfed them both. He cried dried tears as he watched the other disappear before him. He could feel himself slowly disappear and reprimanded himself. If only he could have disappeared without seeing the ballerino disappear before him.

He thinks that he’ll never understand why Junsu had followed him into the fireplace. The place in where Junsu belongs is the stage, dancing forever with his wings spread out. He was a dreamer. Yet he had chosen to follow Yunho into the fireplace. Yunho wonders if he hadn’t been placed into the fireplace as though he were junk that Junsu would’ve been able to shine brighter for longer. Yunho thinks that maybe if he had not lost a leg he’d still be able to stand proudly without feeling inferior, that he would’ve been able to dance with that ballerino he could only admire from afar.

Though it was only natural. Yunho blinked sadly as the flames in the fireplace burned strongly, Junsu the ballerino was made of delicate paper. And him? Yunho is but just a tin soldier with one leg.

 


	9. Welcome Back

**Title:** Welcome Back  
**Type:** Oneshot  
**Characters:** Yunho, Junsu  
**Pairing:** Yunho/Junsu   
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Warnings:** AU  
**Length:** ~  
**Prompt:** kpop_prompts on LJ: opt#4 - #013: Familiar Sensations  
**Inspiration:** Chiisana Mahou – Tegami Bachi REVERSE **  
** Gathering up the words I want to tell you  
Casting a little magic  
Well, I’ll send it to where you are  
So that the warmth doesn’t cool off  
If I confine it together  
My thoughts will take shape  
**A/N:** I said I was going to do the prompts in order right? Eh…well, I change my mind. xD This is dedicated to lophe. Welcome back. ^~^

The day you confessed your affection for me, I remembered that the first thing you said to me when you grabbed my shoulders with your hands were - “You told me that I should always live life honestly, that I should not lie to people who are truly important to me.” And then you calmly let go of my shoulders and wrapped your arms around my waist with a confident “I love you”.

Even though I never stopped believing those three words you told me, I wonder when I stopped believing in those words I once told you many, many years ago.

.

.

.

“I love you”, Yunho whispered, his arms lightly encircled Junsu’s petite waist.

“I…”, Junsu wondered what he should say. He was confused.

“You love me like you love your brother”, Yunho finished the sentence for Junsu, a sad smile dawned on his face.

Blinking, Junsu is not sure whether the feeling was the exactly the same. Something at the back of his mind seems to tell him otherwise, and he voices it, “it’s a little different.”

Yunho’s smile widens a little and widens even more when Junsu slowly and hesitantly returns the hug.

“Could you give me some time to think about it?” Junsu asks, “I want to clearly sort out my feelings first”

Nodding, Yunho agrees easily, “of course!” Slowly, Yunho untangles from their hug and leans in to place a small peck on Junsu’s cheek.

It’s the first time Junsu thinks that the kiss on his cheek could’ve meant something different to the kisses he were use to. Kisses of love between family, between brothers.

“See you tomorrow”, Yunho says softly before leaving with a warm smile.

Smiling a little sillily, Junsu flops down on his bed and giggles cutely for the rest of the night.

The next day, Junsu finally wakes up in the afternoon.

“Oh, son, you’re finally up?” Junsu’s mother asks

“Mm”, Junsu nods tiredly, rubbing his eyes. Suddenly, Junsu stops slouching and stands straight, he rushes towards his mother with an excited expression and tells his mother with happiness written all over his face, “Mum! I’m in love with Yunho!”

“I know”, the mother responds nonchalantly, “you love him like you love Junho, that’s nothing new.”

“No, mum, I’m in love with Yunho like you’re in love with dad!” Junsu tries to explain to his mother.

Her hands stop drying the dishes and she takes a good look at her youngest son, “that’s nothing new either”

“Oh”, Junsu is a little surprised.

Turning back to the sink, the mother continues to dry the dishes, “talking about Yunho though, he came over earlier today, and gosh, have you really become lazier and lazier these days, no matter how much we tried to wake you up before, you wouldn’t even budge.”

Laughing nervously, Junsu scratched his head in embarrassment, “I’ll go look for Yunho now” the son told his mother as he headed towards the front door of the house.

“Ah! Junsu!”

“Hm?” Junsu turned around to look at his mother who was calling him.

“Yunho’s not here anymore, he’s already on the plane overseas”

“What?” Junsu asked, flabbergasted.

“You didn’t know? He’s going abroad”

“Mum, what? When is he coming back?”

“I thought you’d know”, the mother blinked blankly.

Pouting, Junsu does not say anything and walks back into his room. Sighing, Junsu sits at his desk and wonders when Yunho will be back. He takes out his diary and starts slowly jotting down words, sentences, things he wants to tell Yunho when he comes back.

All of a sudden, Junsu lifts his head up from his diary and a small smile is drawn on his face, “I can email him”, flipping open his laptop, Junsu quickly opened up his internet browser and pondered over how he should word the email.

_Yunho,_

_I, where are you right now? When are you coming back?_

_There’s something I want to tell you._

Junsu giggled as he wrote that last sentence.

_I’m sorry I couldn’t wake up this morning…I hope I didn’t say anything weird in my sleep. I guess I won’t be able to see you for a while. I was actually hoping I could’ve seen you today. But I guess we just have to wait._

_Call me when you have the time, okay? ^o^_

_Junsu._

The next day, Junsu stared blankly at his laptop screen. He was only waiting for one email. Because waiting was a little tedious, Junsu decided that he’d start writing in his diary again, all the things he wanted to tell Yunho. Carefully, with each word, Junsu wanted to write down all his feelings and his thoughts.

It was two days later when Junsu could not wait any longer and decided to send Yunho another email.

They days slowly passed by, and all Junsu could think about is the email that Yunho might eventually send him or the phone call that Yunho might eventually make. Each day, Junsu would gather up words he wanted to tell Yunho and note them down in his diary. As months passed by, it soon became a ritual for Junsu to record in his diary every night, as though a spell had been cast upon him.

“You’ve been caught in Yunho’s magic”, Junho would tell his younger brother from time to time.

Junsu would blink back at his older brother. He’d tell himself that Yunho would eventually email him back, would call him, would come back. Because there wasn’t even a single second in which he stopped believing in Yunho’s ‘I love you’.

Yet when a year had finally flew by, Junsu’s mother could not resist asking her youngest son, “Do you miss Yunho?”

Immediately, Junsu shook his head and responded, “no, I don’t.”

“Honestly?”

Blinking back, Junsu gave his mother a small nod. Yet as he sat down and started writing in his diary again, he couldn’t help think that perhaps he wasn’t honest with his answer. Frowning, Junsu felt that writing in the diary felt like he was communicating with Yunho, it wasn’t that lonely. Opening his laptop, Junsu didn’t even want to think about how many emails he’s sent to Yunho. He would catch himself staring at his phone more and more as the days pass by, he would find that he’d pick up the home phone more and more, hoping that it was Yunho’s rich voice on the other end.

Three years and eleven months went by quietly. And then, out of nowhere, with no warning whatsoever, Yunho had come back.

It was the first day of Winter when Yunho came knocking on Junsu’s door.

Yunho hadn’t expected Junsu to open the door. He had expected for Junsu to be at a total loss of words for when they’ll finally meet again. And Junsu did not fail his expectations. At the surprise of Junsu opening the door when he had expected to see the other’s mother at the door, Yunho was finding it difficult to speak. He could only stare at marvel at the differences in Junsu’s appearance, for one, the other was a little taller than he had last saw him, there was less baby fat around Junsu’s cheeks, but his eyes, his nose and mouth was all the same.

When Junsu had suddenly slammed the door on Yunho did Yunho blink and come out of his reverie.

“What?” Yunho blurted out

“Who was at the door?” Yunho could hear a familiar voice from behind Junsu’s front door. It was Junsu’s mother. Her voice hasn’t changed, still carrying the same sweetness.

“A ghost”, Yunho registered that that must be Junsu’s voice. It was similar to how he last remembered it, but a little deeper, a little hoarser. “I thought I saw Yunho for a minute. But I know it’s not because Yunho wasn’t THAT handsome…”

Before Junsu or his mother could say anything else, Yunho began knocking on the door rapidly, loudly, “Junsu! Open the door, it is me! I am Yunho!”

There was a short pause before the front door flew open again.

“You’re really Yunho?” Junsu asked, eyes wide in disbelief

Firmly, Yunho nods, “you can’t recognise me anymore, Junsu?”

Biting his lips, Junsu did not speak, spontaneously, he threw his arms around Yunho’s neck and held on tightly.

“Did you miss me?” Junsu asks

“Did you miss me?” Yunho asks back.

“No”, Junsu’s voice is soft.

Yunho blinks blankly in disbelief at the firm answer, “you serious?”

“Yes”

Yunho does not know why, but he found it hard to believe those words. Especially since Junsu was gripping onto him so hard.

“Why didn’t you call me?” Junsu asked, his voice a little shaky, “did you receive my emails?”

There was no proper answer Yunho could’ve provided at that moment, so all he could say was a simple, “I’m so sorry.”

There’s a little resentment in Junsu’s tone when he spoke again, “I, I still believe that you love me, even after nearly four years of silence.”

“I still do…”, Yunho spoke sincerely.

“Why did you leave so abruptly? Without telling me anything at all.” Junsu pouted as he pulled away from the embrace, “if your reasoning is one of those cliché ones, you don’t need to tell me.”

“Cliché reasons? Like what?” Yunho was keen to know

“Like…say your parents suddenly decided that it would be genius to send you abroad to a boarding school. A remote boarding school where there’s no internet so you couldn’t contact me, and because you never had to call me before you left, you didn’t know our phone number so you couldn’t call either…” Junsu took a peek at Yunho’s expression and smiled a little, “or perhaps you realised you had a terrible disease that even our country could not cure. So you ran off to another country to try and cure your disease, and because you didn’t want any of us to worry, you didn’t contact us at all. And when you were finally cured, you came back.” Junsu sighed.

Opening his mouth, Yunho felt like he should say something, anything, but in the end, closed his mouth and thought better.

“It doesn’t matter”, Junsu shook his head, “I’m happy you’re here right now.”

“Yeah”, Yunho could only agree, hesitantly, he held Junsu’s hand with his own, an affectionate smile gracing his features, “at least, your hand still feels the same, so warm.”

Over the next couple of days, Yunho spent it camping over in Junsu’s room, reading his daily diary entries together. Each word was precious to him, he could feel the subtle pain beneath the words, behind Junsu’s confession, the longing, the depression, the tears that have dried but were once there, dampening the pages of Junsu’s diaries.

“Hey Junsu”, Yunho began, poking his bed partner on the arm.

“Hm?” Junsu blinked innocently at the older one.

“You, you never welcomed me back.”

“Oh”, Junsu averted his focus from Yunho’s face and back to the comic book he was reading.

“Why?” Yunho asks, curious even though he didn’t want to acknowledge that the matter did bother him a little.

“Because…”, Junsu thought about how to word it best, “it never felt like you truly left me.”

“Because you were writing to me in your diary every day?”

“And sending you an email every now and then”, Junsu smiled at Yunho, “so it wasn’t lonely, and I didn’t miss you”

“Liar~” Yunho pinched the other’s cheeks, “when did you start lying so much? Thought you were the one who told me living dishonestly was the worst sin?”

Placing his book aside, Junsu crossed his arms, “maybe ever since I never saw you the day after you said ‘see you tomorrow’.”

“I did see you that day…you were the one who didn’t see me”, Yunho spoke slowly, as though he were treading through dangerous waters.

“I…”, Junsu rolled his eyes back, “I think I remember dreaming of you that day.”

“Oh!?” Yunho looked at Junsu with excitement, “was it a naughty dream!?”

Sticking his tongue out at the other, Junsu attempted to kick the taller one off his bed, “Of course not!” Taking a look at Yunho, Junsu could not help but laugh out loud with the other, “I guess having the real and original one here is better than just a book who doesn’t even blink back at me.”

Yunho grinned broadly.

“So, well, welcome back”, A sheepish smile found its way on Junsu’s face.  
  
Gently taking Junsu's hand in gratitude, Yunho frowned a little before smiling, “let’s go put up the Christmas tree!”

.

.

.

It was a wintery December night when Junsu found himself cuddling under a blanket with Yunho. Silently sipping on hot chocolate, the two watched the first flakes of snow fall. The warmth of Yunho’s arms around his waist was still the same. Nothing has really changed, as though time had rewound itself with a little magic.

Soft whispers delicately weaved into an awaiting ear.

“I love you.”


	10. Warm

**Title:** Warm  
**Type:** Oneshot  
**Characters:** Yunho, Junsu, You  
**Pairing:** Yunho/Junsu   
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Warnings:** none  
**Length:** ~1160  
**Prompt:** kpop_prompts on LJ: opt#4 - #010: Dreaming of Reality  
**Inspiration:** masses of Junsu fancams.  
**A/N:** Junsu-ah, Happy birthdayy~~<33 blueplue_hotaru, as promised, no broken HoSu, please don’t sulk. You know I luuuuub youuu~~<33

_It was Winter. The clock had already stroke 12 at night. And yet Yunho was still awake, in the kitchen, sipping on water to nurse his worn out throat. A teenage boy clad in nothing but shorts and a t-shirt did not escape his sharp attention._

_“Junsu, what are you doing in the middle of the night?” Yunho asks, placing the cup of water he was holding on to the kitchen bench._

_Taking a look at Yunho, Junsu slowly turns his attention back towards the television, “TV”_

_“Aren’t you cold?” Yunho asks even though he already knows the answer as he takes a seat next to the rather lonely looking boy and gently covering them both with a thick blanket._

_Immediately, Junsu snuggled into Yunho without a word. Yunho does not say anything when Junsu’s icy cold fingers brush over his skin._

_It was something Yunho was already use to. Comfortably, he placed an arm around Junsu, “Junsu-ah, is there something wrong?” Yunho takes a glance at the television that wasn’t even on, naturally he would wonder what Junsu was still doing up so late at night._

_“I knew you’d come look for me”, pulling the arm around his shoulder, Junsu shyly looped his fingers with Yunho’s fingers, he always loved how Yunho’s hand was slightly bigger, his fingers slightly longer. It was so much warmer, “you’re so warm.”_

_Yunho doesn’t know what had happened to upset Junsu like this, he gently allows his free hand to card through Junsu’s soft hair. He is grateful that Junsu would come seek comfort from him, and even though Yunho does not know the reason to Junsu’s erratic behaviour, he knows that when the younger boy settles down more, he would tell him. Patience is virtue._

_Shifting a little, Junsu places his head on Yunho’s chest, he covers the left side with his ear, his soul calming down at Yunho’s steady heartbeat._

_“You…”, Yunho whispers softly when he realises that Junsu had quickly fallen asleep. His hand naturally goes to caress soft pale skin. Yunho stares at the peaceful looking face of Junsu and smiles softly. Junsu was someone he didn’t want to stop doting on. Someone he wanted to protect forever._

_._

_._

_._

_“So cold, so cold” hushed whispers escaped pale, pale lips, “I’m so cold, so cold.”_

_Junsu rubbed his hand irregularly across his skin, an attempt to warm himself up. If he were already feeling that cold, he did not even want to imagine how cold their fans must’ve been. Under the cascaded roof of the Seoul Jamsil Olympic Stadium._

_It was a wintery night. And Junsu was not alone and he was most certainly wearing just shorts and a t-shirt. He had his members, he had his fans. He had their encouraging words, their passion, their smiles and he had his own. He was happy even though he felt like he could not possibly any colder, even though he was lacking a soothing pair of big and warm hands._

_There was about a month left till his birthday, Junsu wondered if it would be too much to ask for if he prayed to God for the owner of the warmth he missed so terribly much._

_._

_._

_._

_The colour was wrong. It was too bright, too cheery, too red. He needed to go back to having black hair. From blond bronze to red to black. It was to be ever-changing. Junsu ruffled his hair lightly and then stopped, it felt different to the way Yunho would ruffle his hair when they were having fun. Scowling at his now messy hair, Junsu skilfully picked at his hair, ordering it back to neat and tidy._

_It needed to be black again. There was determination in Junsu’s eyes and a confident smile on his face as he turned his hair back into black again._

_The different colours he had dyed over the many years when he was still a part of DBSK had so swiftly been compressed into one year – 2010 as JYJ. He didn’t want to think too deeply into the underlying meanings, but how could he not when he looked at his own reflection every day, his fingers brushing across the rock hard mirror, wondering to himself why it always seemed so cold, so cold._

_._

_._

_._

_“Junsu-ah, what’s wrong?” Yunho’s caring voice found its way into Junsu’s ear._

_“It’s so cold”, Junsu whispered back, refusing to unwrap his arms from Yunho._

_Yunho takes a better look at what Junsu is wearing and sighs wearily before he lectures Junsu with a scolding tone, “it’s Winter and you’re still wearing such thin clothing, do you want to catch a cold or something!?”_

_“Yunho, you’ll always keep me warm right?” Junsu looks up at the slightly older man with pleading eyes, “so that on days like today, I can wear nothing and I’ll still feel warm right?”_

_The leader of DBSK wonders why Junsu looks so scared, looks so anxious as though he were struggling to believe in what he had always believed in._

_“Junsu-ah, I may no longer be able to always be by your side and hold your hand”, Yunho speaks truthfully, he can see the pain and understanding in Junsu’s eyes, mirroring his own feelings, “but you know I will always love you.”_

_Junsu wants to tell the other that that wasn’t enough for him. That love itself wasn’t warm enough for him. But he doesn’t say anything as he stands on his tip toes, tilting his head back a little so that he could plant his lips on Yunho’s lips._

_Yunho takes Junsu’s initiative as agreement. He returns the kiss, his arms automatically moving to support Junsu better. To pull the other into a better position for a long awaited kiss._

_“I can keep you warm for the whole of tonight”, Yunho tells Junsu before he tenderly pushed Junsu against the bed._

_“Okay”, Junsu smiles a little sadly as he reaches up to caress Yunho’s face, wiping away tears. There was a dull ache thumping in his heart. But his sense spontaneously withered into oblivion when warm fingers worshipped his skin, the only thing he refused to do was let his eyes flutter close. Yunho was, Yunho is, Yunho’s face, his scent, his expressions, Junsu wanted to remember it all._

_It was warmth filled with feather light touches and kisses that refused to leave regrets._

_“Happy Birthday”_

.

.

.

You wake up from your slumber with a jerk. You’re back in reality. Today is December 15th 2010\. Finally, it’s Xiah Junsu’s birthday again and there’s nothing more you want to do but celebrate XiahDay with a warm smile first thing in the morning.

As you try to pull the corners of your lips into a smile, you already realise that a smile had already graced your features. The only memory that remains of the dream you just had were the two simple words – “Happy Birthday.”


	11. All That Is Left On Christmas

**Title:** All That Is Left On Christmas  
**Type:** Oneshot  
**Characters:** DBSK  
**Pairing:** slight!Yunho/Junsu   
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Warnings:** AU  
**Length:** ~1240  
**Prompt:** kpop_prompts on LJ: opt#4 - #015: Amused Failure  
**A/N:** It’s a short piece…but well, I hope it’s amusing. **  
Summary:** Christmas is coming up and Junsu thinks that it’s the perfect opportunity to give the maknae a nostalgic child-like Christmas.

“Don’t you think we need to give Changmin a more child-like atmosphere for Christmas?” Junsu asks as soon as he hears the shower running, knowing that there was no way Changmin could hear their conversation when showering.

“What do you mean?” Jaejoong asks, putting down the magazine he was reading and directing his focus on the duck-butt of DBSK.

“Well”, Junsu stars, a serious expression on his face, “Changmin is the baby here, right?” Junsu ignores Yoochun who was rolling his eyes at him, “don’t you think we should try to recreate a childhood Christmas for him?”

“You just want to play, don’t you?” Yunho asks, poking Junsu’s cheeks without mercy.

Smiling sheepishly, Junsu nodded, “but don’t you think it’ll be a great idea!?”

“It’ll be hard to deceive witty Changmin…no matter what we do”, Yoochun stated, wrinkling his nose, “I guess we could challenge it”

At Yoochun’s words, Jaejoong’s eyes lit with excitement, “exactly! It’ll be like a challenge, and we’re not going to step back are we?”

“That’s right!” Junsu cheered, “let’s try our best to make it nostalgic”

Yunho raised an eyebrow and muttered, “that’ll be hard, it’s not like we know exactly how Changmin celebrated Christmas.”

Everyone turned their eyes to stare at the leader of DBSK.

“What?” Yunho asks, “you all know what I’m saying is the truth.”

“So, what kind of Christmas should we give Changmin?” Yoochun asked, already smiling at the thought of surprising the maknae.

“How about…”, Jaejoong rubbed his chin and thought carefully, “we have someone dress up as Santa Claus and come give our good boy Changmin a nice present?”

“What kind of a present?” Junsu asked, “perhaps we should all just start singing Christmas Carols?”

“Haha”, Yunho laughed, rubbing Junsu’s hair playfully, “if we do that, Changmin would notice who Santa really is straight away.”

“We’ll have to put on really, really heavy makeup to disguised Santa…if we really want to trick Changmin”, Jaejoong concluded.

Everyone turned their attention to Yoochun and decided that he’d be the best to act as Santa Claus.

“We should hire reindeers and a sleigh to make it seem more real”, Jaejoong suddenly stayed, “since we’re trying to make this as realistic as possible, we should go for it”

The members nodded in unison, thinking that reindeers would indeed give a very Christmas filled atmosphere.

“Yunho, that job is hard right? Finding reindeers, you can do that right?” Junsu asked.

Yunho looked at the other members sceptically before hesitantly nodding.

“Then”, Jaejoong pointed at Junsu, “you’ll make sure to distract Changmin during Christmas Eve, go play games or something with him, and I, I will get the glass of milk and plate of cookies, the turkey feast…as well as Christmas stockings.”

“What about the Christmas tree?” Junsu asked

“We do that together, as DBSK, all five of us”

.

.

.

“The reindeers will be here on Christmas Eve”, Yunho reported to the members involved in the extreme re-enactment of a childhood Christmas for Changmin.

The members did not question how Yunho managed to even find reindeers no matter how curious they were. They merely patted the leader’s back for his good work and went about to focus on their own missions.

A while after, Yoochun claimed with a huge smile that the Santa outfit was ready too. Everything was going smoothly.

It was Christmas Eve when Jaejoong noticed that something was seriously wrong when he was peering into the fridge, “where’s all the milk gone?” Jaejoong asks his members, determined to punish someone, especially if they knew that they could not re-enact the whole ‘Santa Claus is Here’ act without the glass of milk.

“I finished it off”, Changmin mumbled, raising his hand without fear as he looked straight into Jaejoong’s eyes.

“What!? There was half a carton left! How did you finish it!?” Jaejoong asked, amazed. And then he noticed it. The Santa Claus outfit Yoochun said he had prepared…Changmin was wearing it, “Changmin, what are you wearing?” Jaejoong demanded even though he knew the answer.

“Oh, this? I saw it in Yoochun’s room and thought it would be fun to wear…why, is there a problem?”

“No, no problem”, Yoochun hastily answered, is eyes not leaving the Santa Claus outfit he was supposed to be wearing.

Jaejoong clicked his tongue and wondered if the plan could even be successful at this rate, “so, Min, where did all the milk go?”

“I had a bowl of cereal…and then I saw a packet of cookies in the pantry…and started dipping them into milk…”, Changmin explained calmly.

“You finished the packet of cookies as well!?” Junsu looked at Changmin with shocked eyes.

“Ah, yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t leave any for you, Junsu-hyung” Changmin smiled apologetically at the older member.

“It’s…Changmin, you’re so mean!” Junsu looked mournfully at his dongsaeng.

Whacking Junsu lightly across the head, Yunho hissed quietly, “you’re missing the point here!”

Pouting, Junsu looked at Yunho with puppy eyes and a hurt expression, “Yunho…that hurt.”

Immediately feeling guilty, Yunho quickly apologised before wrapping his arms around the shorter boy, placing kiss after kiss on Junsu’s head.

Ignoring the two’s flirtatious behaviour, Changmin continued talking, “I also saw a couple of reindeers outside…”

“Don’t tell me you ate those too!” Yoochun quickly interrupted, looking horrified at Changmin.

Yunho took a peak out the window and noticed that the reindeers were indeed not waiting outside their place. He groaned and confirmed that the reindeers were missing.

“So that’s where the reindeers went!” Jaejoong suddenly exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at Changmin.

“Ah, no”, Changmin denied, waving his hands around, “I don’t eat reindeer”

“Then what did you do with them?” Yunho asked Changmin even though his eyes were on Junsu.

“Nothing”, Changmin stated innocently, “I just sent them back to where they were from”

“What?” Changmin’s hyungs all asked at the same time.

“What?” Changmin asked back, “did you really expect me to eat them?”

“What! No!” Yoochun looked scandalised

“Then you wanted to eat the reindeer?” Changmin asked, avoiding Jaejoong’s murderous eyes.

Before anyone could even answer Changmin’s question, the maknae had broken out into a laugh.

“What’s so amusing?” Yunho asked quietly, a little afraid of the Changmin who suddenly burst out laughing.

“It’s just, I can’t believe you’re all so easily fooled!” Changmin continued to laugh, hiding his face behind his hands, “Yoochun-hyung is in charge of being Santa Claus, Yunho-hyung was to call the reindeers, Jaejoong-hyung was in charge of all the little details and Junsu-hyung was in charge of distracting me!” Changmin took a few deep breaths before he continued to talk, “I really don’t need any kind of special Christmas, I’m satisfied with just singing Christmas carols with you all!”

Junsu looked at Changmin with mortification, “Changminnie! How did you find out!?”

Changmin merely shrugged coolly, “Jaejoong-hyung talks in his sleep”

The DBSK members stared blankly at their maknae.

“You’re the one who sleep-talks!” Jaejoong walked up to Changmin and pinched his cheeks without mercy.

Junsu sighed and took a good look at each member before muttering just loud enough for Yunho to hear, “I guess our plan failed, Changmin really is too attentive, there’s no milk, no cookies, no reindeers, there’s just us left.”

“Oh, and hyung”, Changmin smiled, “you forgot, but Santa Claus only comes when the child is sleeping, and you should all know by now that I am never the first person to sleep.”


	12. Yours

**Title:** Yours  
**Type:** Oneshot  
**Characters:** DBSK  
**Pairing:** Yunho/Junsu   
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Warnings:** Allures to recent events regarding ambiguous tweets.  
**Length:** ~1,900  
**Prompt:** kpop_prompts on LJ: opt#4 - #017: Broken Help  
**A/N:** Yunho-ah, happy birthday!~<33

“Junsu, stop eating”, Jaejoong ordered as he took away the packet of cookies away from his dongsaeng.

“Jaejoong-hyung…” Junsu acknowledged before he tried to take back the packet of cookies that did belong to him.

“No!” Jaejoong scolded, “you need to stop eating like this!”

“Hyung~” Junsu frowned, already upset that he couldn’t grab the packet of cookies.

“Excessive eating like this won’t take your mind off things”, Jaejoong began lecturing the younger, “if you want to take your mind off things, work hard, go review over Tears of Heaven!”

“Hyung, I am”, Junsu holds up the script he was reading whilst he was pigging out on the cookies, he tries to send a plead towards Yoochun who was leaning against the door but fails to as Yoochun avoids his eyes.

“Well then, only concentrate on your script, if you need a distraction, just let your musical do that for you, Junsu, seriously, you need to stop eating all this junk food. Nothing is going to change even if you eat yourself silly”, Jaejoong ranted, he pinched the other’s cheeks harshly, “look, don’t you feel as though your cheeks are a little chubbier than yesterday?”

“Hyung, that hurts”, Junsu rubbed his cheek painfully when Jaejoong finally let go.

“I swear, you need to stop eating like this”, Jaejoong glared at the younger man, “from now on, you can only eat after you confirm with me what you’re eating.”

Junsu felt like crying.

“Wait, hyung!” Yoochun finally spoke, grabbing Jaejoong’s arm, “isn’t that too harsh?”

Taking his arm back from Yoochun, Jaejoong sighed, “no one is in a happy mood today, I understand that we are all going through an excruciating amount of pain, but we can’t have Junsu eating until he barfs.”

“Hyung, you’re exaggerating”, Junsu whined.

“Don’t even try sneak food to eat, I’m watching you”, Jaejoong pointed at Junsu, “devote your time to perfecting Tears of Heaven, you know we’ll always be there supporting you, so don’t let your mind wander, or else”, Jaejoong placed a hand on Junsu’s shoulder and squeezed threateningly, “I’ll take away your kittens for myself.”

Junsu did not say anything and just stared at Jaejoong with a forlorn expression.

Yoochun ruffled Junsu’s hair as Jaejoong left the room, “he’s just worried to death about you, we’re really worried you know?” Yoochun smiled sadly, “when you’re in pain, you can always talk to us about it, your brother is always willing to listen to you too, you do remember right?”

Junsu did not want to admit that he had forgotten that there were people he could lean on. The shock had been too big, the sadness was too overwhelming. When everything came crashing down much harder than expected, it had turned to be too stressful, forcing the tears that weren’t from heaven to come pouring down, “I’m doing fine”, Junsu muttered as he flipped through his script for his upcoming musical.

“If you were doing fine, Jaejoong-hyung wouldn’t announce that he’ll be monitoring your food intake”, Yoochun reasoned. When Junsu did not say anything, Yoochun sighed and continued talking, “you do know that now that you’ve tweeted your worries, everyone is incredibly worried?”

Squeezing his eyes shut, Junsu did not want to discuss that specific topic.

“I’m sorry that you felt so bad to let your emotions overcome you”, Yoochun patted Junsu’s shoulder, “cheer up, find a way to cheer up otherwise, Jaejoong-hyung really will go hysterical”, Yoochun gave Junsu one last smile before he left the other alone.

.

.

.

Yunho traced his Thanks To message in his copy of Keep Your Head Down album and wondered what kind of expressions people showed when they were reading his words of gratitude.

“Hyung, what are you doing?” Changmin asked, peeking into Yunho’s room before walking in.

“Oh, Changmin”, Yunho smiled, patting the seat next to him, “I was just looking through my Thanks To message again.

Changmin’s face turned a little sour, “is it because of Junsu-hyung?”

Smiling sadly, Yunho reached to pinch Changmin’s cheeks, “well, probably, but I don’t even know for sure myself.”

Changmin rubbed his cheeks softly, he still finds it hard to get use to Yunho’s affection like that sometimes. Probably because it hurt, “hyung, when will the pain stop hurting?” Changmin asks almost innocently, referring to a different type of pain.

There were certain questions Yunho found ridiculously hard to answer. There was no way he could gauge who hurt the most. It was impossible to find a comparison to measure the pain. His only excuse being he was still too young to have a wide range of overly painful experiences. And every time Yunho thought of Changmin, he did not wish imagine how much the maknae was suffering.

“The pain and the tears, it’ll all stop when the time comes”, Yunho finally answered Changmin as he placed their new album on his desk, “come on, let’s go practice.”

As Changmin follows Yunho and leaves the room, he notices the pile of junk food wrappers in Yunho’s bin. His eyebrows scrunches and he understands that Yunho is trying to eat his depression away. Changmin suddenly grabs Yunho’s arms and stops his leader in his tracks, “hyung”, Changmin looks at Yunho seriously in the eye, “you need help.”

Yunho looks blankly at Changmin, “what for?”

Changmin sighs and takes another glance at his leader’s rubbish bin, “first off, hyung, you need to stop taking my snacks”, Changmin crosses his arms and takes a wary glance at Yunho, “when was the last time you went to go see the psychologist?”

Yunho does not answer. Sometimes, there were just some topics he didn’t want to discuss, with anyone.

“Hyung, you need help.”

.

.

.

The day after the set of ambiguous tweets, Junsu went to go see his psychologist after the words of his persisting friends. The psychologist tells him a couple of sentence, “I heard about the tweets. I really don’t think there’s a better way to heal yourself slowly but by this”, the psychologist handed a notebook to Junsu, “whenever you feel like you’re confused or unhappy, just write a letter to your hyung in this notebook”. And Junsu does not question why he should write to which of his hyungs, because he already knows that his psychologist knows who he’s talking about. In favour of writing letters, Junsu stopped recording his thoughts in the diary he made a habit of when he first met his psychologist.

There was a dream Junsu remembered having during those long nights where he tried to stay up practicing for his musical and ended up over sleeping the next day. Truthfully, it was more of revisiting old memories than a imaginative dream. Junsu looked over at his calendar, it was the middle of January. He looked up towards his ceiling and decided that he was going to forget about everything else and place his musical as priority.

The next day, Jaejoong hassled him about not eating enough. Junsu decided it would be best if he stopped going to see the psychologist for a while and to just continue writing letters that would never be read by the person to whom it was dedicated to.

.

.

.

Changmin’s words – “hyung, you need help”, kept ringing in Yunho’s head for a while until he finally made the decision to go see his psychologist.

“I need help”, Yunho stated even though he knew that his psychologist already knew that he needed help, for there would be no other reason as to why Yunho would be there in the first place.

They open up Yunho’s diary and start interpreting, they talk about small things and big things, things that could have possibly influenced Yunho’s mood, his thoughts and feelings. They talk about more ways to relieve stress and as Yunho goes to see his psychologist more and more, he feels as though he’s undergoing therapy.

“Why is reality so hard to uncover?” Yunho asks his psychologist, brooding.

The psychologist taps Yunho’s chest with his pen and solemnly tells the other, “that’s only something you can discover through yourself.”

Yunho decides at the start of February that he really didn’t want to discover reality alone. And even though he starts to lessen his meetings with his psychologist, he writes more and more in his diary, rambles that no longer made sense when Yunho read over them the day after as he hoped that the stress would just obediently leave him alone. His thoughts are filled with nothing but fond memories that seemed like they never existed in the first place.

The next day, Changmin wonders why Yunho has lost his appetite all of a sudden.

.

.

.

When Junsu checks his calendar one morning, the date ‘February 6th’ blinds his eyes. All he can think about for the better half of the day is Yunho. Fed up, Junsu decides that maybe a walk will help cheer him up. He wanders around, hops on a random bus and gets off somewhere awfully familiar. The snow that covers the path he is walking on is pretty, but he could feel the coldness through his boots. Finally he stands outside a café, and stares. Junsu wants to say something, but he knows that nothing will come out even if he tries.

He pushes open the door into the café and walks inside. It was warm, so warm his heart felt like it could flutter. Junsu remembers the café, the small party that was held here so many years ago, he remembers the table in the corner they were all sitting in, celebrating and laughing. Junsu takes a seat, orders a drink and closes his eyes, he could see his memories play out before him like a movie.

.

.

.

He puts on a warm coat and scarf before he leaves his living quarters with a, “Changmin, I’m going out.” As he left, he could vaguely hear Changmin tell him to not go out for too long, there were still schedules for the day.

There wasn’t really anything Yunho was hoping for as he steps out, the cold wind burning his skin as he wandered around the streets, Yunho automatically finds himself in front of a small café. The one from too many years ago, where he spent his first birthday with SM trainees, with Junsu.

The bell above the door of the café tinkled sweetly when Yunho opened the door. A wave of nostalgia hit him when he saw Junsu sitting in the corner of the café, his eyes closed.

.

.

.

Junsu wakes up and opens his eyes, the cafe is dimly lit. When Junsu felt someone squeezing his hand, he was alarmed and looked over to his side quickly and saw the one person he had almost been dying to see. A smile graces his features as he speaks, “Yunho-hyung, happy birthday.”

And when Junsu blinks, his smile disappears when he realises he doesn’t see Yunho’s face. Junsu rubs his eyes blinks again, only to confirm that Yunho really was not sitting beside him.  It wasn’t until Junsu got home that he realises the scarf he was wearing did not belong to him.


	13. This Time, it's Min

**Title:** This Time, it’s Mine  
**Type:** Oneshot  
**Characters:** Junsu  
**Pairing:** Yunho/Junsu   
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Warnings:** Implied character death  
**Length:** 500  
**Prompt:** kpop_prompts on LJ: opt#4 - #016: Nonvocal Renouncement

_“Hey”, Junsu tapped his fingers lightly against his chin as he stared up at the blue, blue sky, ”hey, can you hear me?”_

If there was a way Junsu could view all his memories as though he were flipping through a photo album, he would. He would look at each photo, each memory carefully, he’ll scrutinise it and burn it into his brain, he would love to store every precious memory in his head. He doesn’t want to forget.

His heart tells him it’s not love, but his memories tells him otherwise.

_“I’ll always be next to you, you’ll always be able to feel me”_

Junsu thinks that the thing closest to him is not his heart, it’s his memories. But his heart is a major part of his memories and the emotions it brings out.

He remembers lying in a field of rye grass, he remembers the sensation of being prickled, he remembers the laughter that rang through the air, the clouds that lazily drifted across the sky that was so close, to the point where Junsu felt as though he could reach and pull the sky towards his chest.

And then, his mind drifts, and he remembers the memories of a man who held him tight, who painted a smile on his face, a hyung who took him by his hand and showed him the broadness of the sky, the passion, the vast but small miracles it provided.

_Junsu blinked as the man, his hyung, Yunho gently picked a feather from his hair and then blew it from his palm, letting the wind carry it away._

Flipping open his phone, Junsu stares at Yunho’s face a little before he starts to type a text. He starts it with a ‘I miss you’ and ends it with a ‘take me away too’. Junsu flips his phone shut before he can send the message.

“I can’t see you”, Junsu closes his eyes, “tell me my heart is lying, please.”

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray, when I am blue~_

It’s raining. There’s a thin layer of mist. Junsu looks up into the sky and it’s not blue, it’s gray, but he couldn’t feel more blue. Junsu watches the rain hit the surface of the gushing river, he watches the trees bend forcefully from the wind. It wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t beautiful. Junsu looks down again, he couldn’t find what he was searching for. It wasn’t there. The warmth, the laughter, the love.

Junsu opens his mouth before closing it again without saying anything. He presses his lips tightly together and looks up towards the sky and asks, “hey, can you hear me?” but his voice is drowned out by the wind. Dejectedly, he looks down again and breathes. There would be no next time, “Yunho…”

“This time”, Junsu muttered before he took a deep breath and said confidently, “it’s mine.”

With his heart pumping painfully, he decided he will go silently.

 **A/N:** Suddenly miss Junsu too much. Ah, if anyone didn’t understand because it’s so ambiguous, Junsu meant that it was his turn to turn into the sky this time.

 


	14. Root

**Title:** Root  
**Type:** Oneshot  
**Characters:** Yunho, Junsu  
**Pairing:** Yunho/Junsu   
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Warnings:** Implied character deaths  
**Length:** ~700  
**Prompt:** kpop_prompts on LJ: opt#4 - #011: Handicapped Emotions  
**A/N:** I’m actually supposed to be working on a different ficc, but I couldn’t get HoSu out of my head especially since I feel as though it’s been such a long time since I’ve written HoSu

_“Have you heard of self-handicapping before?”_

_“No, not really”, Junsu looked up from the book he was reading and at his hyung in confusion, “what is it?”_

_Yunho took a seat next to Junsu on the couch, “it’s when you psychologically seek out for a reason to blame for your failure in which you aren’t responsible for…”_

_“Hyung?” Junsu asked as he gently placed an hand on Yunho’s arm._

_“I can lift my mood with that kind of thinking”, Yunho explained before giving Junsu a small smile. When Junsu did not say anything, Yunho continued talking, “it’s a short term thing, but it makes me try even harder, makes me more alert, makes me want to fail even less, because I cannot allow for excuses to explain my failures-“_

_Junsu covers Yunho’s mouth with his own and speaks, “because we cannot have failures.” Junsu smiles back at the other when he removes his hand from Yunho’s lips, “hyung, I, this kind of positive thinking, I do it too.”_

_“By that stage, I don’t even know if it’s called self-handicapping anymore”, Yunho wondered out loud, “not that it matters, I don’t need to put a name to everything, it’s not necessary.”_

_“Hyung, that’s not self-handicapping…”, Junsu ponders and taps his chin with a finger, “I don’t know what it’s called either, but I’m pretty sure with self-handicapping, you make up excuses for your failures…”_

_“Because we’re not who we are if we even start to think that we will fail…”_

.

.

.

Their love was supposed to be eternal. He had thought that his love for him would be forever. Yet the moment he realised that the other had so easily walked out of his life, he hated him for that. He hated the other for causing his emotions to betray him, for causing him to betray his own emotions.

He hated him for selfishly leaving all of a sudden, he hated him for leaving so many memorable memories behind yet he loved him for all the lovingness in the memories, loved him

And yet to prevent himself for letting the other escape from his life, he could never stop thinking about the other, even if he were only replaying memories over and over in his head, letting his heart sink lower and lower as he loved deeper, and hated more. He waited for the day in which the emotions that had played with his mind enveloped him in a blanket of craziness, sending him to a world with nothing but the owner of the excuses that piled up upon his heart.

.

.

.

_“Hyung, when someone dies…does their heart die with them?”_

_“Hm? Why are you asking?” Yunho places his cup of coffee on the bedside table and looks at Junsu curiously with gentle eyes._

_“It’s just, I love you with my heart, and you love me with your heart...and yet we give each other our hearts…so that means, right now, the heart that’s beating inside of me is your heart”, Junsu looks at Yunho and silently confirms that the other understands what he’s saying so far, “so when I die, if the heart inside me now, the heart that was Yunho-hyung’s heart, the heart filled with all the love from Yunho-hyung…if it stops beating…”_

_“Junsu…”, Yunho whispers when he finally realises where Junsu is going with the conversation._

_“If it stops beating, does that mean you’ll stop loving me?”_

_“Of course not silly”, Yunho leans in to place a kiss on Junsu’s cheek, hoping that it would lift even the littlest amount of doubt within the younger, “the heart isn’t the only thing that can love.”_

_“Hm?”_

_“Let’s just say this emotion, this love is represented by roots, then the love inside of our hearts are only the tips of the roots. The rest of me, my brain and its memories will continue to love you even after I’ve given you my heart in exchange for yours. And so long as you keep that heart I’ve given you it will continue to love you regardless.”_

_“That’s…” Junsu did not know what he should say as his eyebrows furrowed._

_“So”, Yunho took a deep breath and cupped Junsu’s cheek with a hand, “when the day does come that I pass away, remember that I’ll continue to love you. And if by chance, you pass away before I do, I will still continue to love you.”_


	15. Unforgettable

**Title:** Unforgettable  
**Type:** Oneshot  
**Characters:** Yunho, Junsu  
**Pairing:** Yunho/Junsu   
**Rating:** PG  
**Warnings:** none  
**Length:** ~1,000  
**Prompt:** kpop_prompts on LJ: opt#4 - #012: Fool in Love  
**A/N:** Thank-you for blueplue_hotaru. Delusional characters are fun to write. ^^  
For blueplue_hotaru!~ Haley~ Even though it’s not really a thankful ficc. Hahaha ^^” I guess I just can’t write funny stories for HoSu…it’s haaaard~ TAT forgive mee~<3

The attic was dusty and dimly lit. Junsu scowled as he climbed into the attic, wondering what possessed him to make him offer to clean his grandmother’s attic. It was on the spur of the moment when he decided that he wanted to clean instead of go play soccer outside.

Sighing, Junsu stretched his arms a little before he decided that the faster he cleaned the attic up, the faster he could go out and play soccer. Dusting most of the antique yet almost useless junk, Junsu carefully put them inside cardboard boxes, just in case they were memorable and precious to his grandmother.

As Junsu was packing, something caught his eye. It was a box. Junsu was a little curious at first, as to why such a dull looking box would even catch his eye. However, when Junsu pulled the box towards himself, he realised why. The box was dustless. It was clean and seemed as though it had been wiped regularly. Junsu ran his fingers across the lid of the box, it was as smooth as recently polished floorboards.

Cautiously, Junsu opened the box, his head rolling around wondering just what would be kept inside the only box that was not covered in dust. It must be something of importance. However, what Junsu found inside the box was not gold, diamonds or jade, it was simply a bunch of faded out papers.

“What is this?” Junsu whispered as he took out what seems to be envelopes, envelopes and more envelopes. Junsu took the first envelope he had taken out and opened the delicate looking envelope. The envelope was thin, so Junsu was not surprised when all he pulled out from the envelope was a newspaper clipping. As Junsu looked into the envelope to see if there was anything else, a black and white photo fell into his lap.

It was a picture of a man in his late twenties. Junsu held the photo and stared at the man in the photo. The man had almond shaped eyes with a stare as though he could see right through your soul, a really nice looking jaw line, cleanly shaven and neat hair. The man was handsome. Junsu traced the black and white photo with a finger slowly, it felt as though he could feel the warmth of the skin and the roughness of the hair of the man in the picture. And even though the photo was not in colour, Junsu felt as though he could see the other’s skin tone, the colour of the lips that were curved slightly into a small but sincere looking smile, the colour of the clothes the man was wearing, everything seemed as though it were in colour.

Placing the photo back in his lap, Junsu reached for the newspaper clipping. There was a picture of the same man in the paper. It was an obituary. The man’s name was Jung Yunho, a musician from the past. The obituary went through briefly Jung Yunho’s contribution to the society, yet as Junsu read the lines of facts, he found it strange that he had no recollection of there ever being a Jung Yunho in the world of music. He was still naïve. But now he knew.

Without a trace of hesitance, Junsu took out the other envelopes, opened them up one by one and read the contents. The rest were letters, written for someone from Jung Yunho. Someone he called ‘my inspiration’. Junsu briefly wondered if the someone, the inspiration could be his grandmother, but as he read more and more letters, he realised that the letters only contained details from Jung Yunho’s life, there was no mention about the person he was writing to. Confused, Junsu even checked to see if the addressee was written on the envelope, but all he found was plain envelopes. Nothing was written on any of them.

The more Junsu read, the more Jung Yunho became familiar to him, the more real Jung Yunho became. He learnt about the hardships the other had to go through to place music as a part of his life. The way he tiredly agonised over choosing between his family and his future in the world of music. He learnt about the emotions Jung Yunho felt when he had finally made a breakthrough in the music industry but when that happened, all that was left of his family was himself. Junsu read about Jung Yunho’s loneliness and pain. He read every single word and tried to imagine himself in Jung Yunho’s position.

Junsu didn’t even know how Jung Yunho was even related to his family, why his grandmother even had a box full of Jung Yunho’s thoughts. It was peculiar, but Junsu didn’t want  to think too much about it. When Junsu was about three quarters of the way through with the lengthy monologues, he picked up Jung Yunho’s photo again. On a closer look, the edges were really frayed. Junsu couldn’t even begin to estimate from how long ago Jung Yunho lived. It didn’t matter what era Jung Yunho was from. Junsu liked his eyes. He likes the other’s lips and the way the man seemed to carry himself in that one simple photo. He felt a little silly for even thinking that he was falling in love with something that was 2D. Yet when his eyes glazed over the box of letters, he knew that it didn’t matter if the man he was staring at was only 2D. All the content in the letters make up the person he was falling in love with.

“Junsu?” A weary voice called out, “Junsu?”

Suddenly looking up from the single photo, Junsu hastily stood up when he recognised his grandmother calling for him, “grandmother!? What is it?”

“Junsu-ah!”, the grandmother called up into the attic, “you’ve been cleaning my attic for the whole day, are you not going to eat?”

“The whole day?” Junsu asked himself, picking up the photo of Jung Yunho he had let slip from his fingers when he stood up, had it only really taken a day for Junsu to fall deeply in love with a man of the past? Junsu called out to his grandmother, “I’m coming now”, before he climbed down from the attic.

Junsu slipped the photo into one of his pockets before he turned to smile brightly at his grandmother, “grandmother, I’m in love.” And Junsu felt that he was a fool.

 


	16. Enough

**Title:** Enough  
**Type:** Oneshot  
**Characters:** Junsu, Yunho  
**Pairing:** Yunho/Junsu   
**Rating:** PG-15  
**Warnings:** AU, beloved character death  
**Length:** ~1,000  
**Prompt:** kpop_prompts on LJ: opt#4 - #014: Favourable Friction  
**A/N:** I don’t even know where this came from. =v=

_Realising that he isn’t good enough doesn’t kill him._

The first thing that Junsu says to Yunho when he enters the other’s new apartment is – “wow, it’s like I’m walking into an operation room from a medical drama!”

Yunho smiles and introduces all the medical tools he has hanging around his small apartment. He tells Junsu – “I never know when I might need these tools at home, so I always have them ready on standby.”

And Junsu smiles brilliantly, “you really are prepared for anything and everything!”

Junsu holds his hand tightly and Yunho thinks that everything is perfect. The warmth in his hand pulled a smile on his face and made it stay.

They were friends first, but from the day when Junsu collapsed and was sent to the emergency room, they became doctor and patient too.

A couple of weeks later, through a tilt in the atmosphere, with light touches on the neck, hair tickling chin and fluttery brushes of lips; they became lovers.

Sitting together on a cold and snowy winter night, arms touching, fingers interlocked with each other with the TV blaring softly in the background was paradise for the two.

It was warm and fuzzy where they touched.

Junsu smiled up at the older man, he grabbed a piece of popcorn and placed it on Yunho’s lips, pushing it into the other’s mouth.

Yunho chuckles, he gets up from the couch, goes and grabs an extra blanket for Junsu as the other sits on the couch and watches a soapy drama on TV. The older then walks into the kitchen, it was about time to cook dinner anyway.

He watches as the storm outside becomes stronger. Yunho then closes the blinds as he gets back to working on dinner. Stew for the perfect wintery night.

The stew was just done when he hears a loud thump and a groan from the living room. Yunho raises and eyebrow before he pops his head out to take a look at what Junsu was doing.

Junsu is lying at the bottom of the couch, squirming, cringing and clutching at his chest in pain.

The scream coming from the TV is deaf to his ears.

“Junsu!” Yunho fumbles and picks up his phone with haste as he runs over to the other. He dials the emergency number and asks for the ambulance. But what he is told tears at his heart.

“There’s going to be a delay”, the voice on the end of the phone said.

“What?” Yunho breathlessly dropped the word.

“There’s a snow storm now”, Yunho barely heard those words pass the static of the phone. He dropped his phone.

There’s no telling when the weather will lift up. He couldn’t wait, he couldn’t wait for an ambulance to come. He quickly grabs his medical tools and rushes to Junsu’s side. He could feel his heart race in anxiety.

“Yunho”, Junsu mouths, tears streaming down his face, “it hurts.”

Placing a hand on the other’s cheek, Yunho smiles softly, “it’s ok, I’m going to make it all right again”, he can feel the dampness of the other’s cheek. He was going to save him.

Junsu grabs onto Yunho’s arm.

Yunho presses the needle into Junsu, watching as the anaesthetic enters into Junsu. It was an approximate number, he didn’t know exactly how much Junsu needed. As Yunho tried his best to change, put on gloves whilst Junsu’s hand was still holding onto his arm, he mentally went over all the procedures he had to go through to save the younger man.

He was going to make sure that this was going to be as fool-proof as he could make it out to be.

Yunho knows that Junsu’s fallen into unconsciousness when the hand that was clutching tightly onto him loses its grip and falls with a thud on the kitchen floor. He hastily puts on the gas mask over the lower half of Junsu’s face, he had to keep the anaesthesia going, just to make sure that Junsu would be unconscious for more than just a couple of hours.

He’s a surgeon. He’s Junsu’s surgeon. He can do this. Yunho reminds himself over and over that he is a professional at saving people’s lives. And Junsu wasn’t going to be an exception. He takes his trustworthy scalpel out, quickly desensitizes it and waves it around, letting it dry immediately.

The first incision was the hardest cut.

His hand did not shake. He did not focus on the rubbery feel of his gloves against the silver scalpel.

The cut went in, and everything felt right. Yunho felt a little more relieved.

Not long after, Yunho cringed. It was hard, with just him. He was feeling morbid as he looked at Junsu’s heart. It was right there, his hand could wrap right around it and feel it pump. Yet even though the there was only a thin layer of the rubber glove between him and Junsu’s heart, everything just felt so intangible.

Junsu’s heart stops beating.

He hears his blood pounding in his ears. And he counts, the number of seconds before he drops his scalpel. He drops his scalpel as he realises that he’s not good enough.

He covers his face with his blood stained gloves, nothing mattered anymore, his rubber glove smeared blood all over his face. The texture could only remind him that his surgery was not over. He was getting Junsu’s blood all over his face, but that didn’t matter.

And Yunho realises that this is why they don’t let surgeons and doctors look and perform on their family and loved ones. He screams as he hears the quiet but distinct siren of the ambulance.

He doesn’t care anymore.

Yunho digs his nails into his throat and drags them across. The stinging pain made him clench his teeth, it was the type of pain that provided relief. He’s relieved that he can still acknowledge how ugly he is. He grabs his scalpel, it’s not so trustworthy anymore, he stares at it and wants to cry as his thoughts linger on Junsu who he could not save.

He’s not fit to be a doctor, a surgeon, he couldn’t even save his life. His scalpel is sharp, it’s been covered in blood, it feels searingly warm against his neck. Yunho pushes and quickly runs his scalpel across his throat with disgust.

_Knowing that he isn’t good enough kills him._

 

 


End file.
